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jarnscye ([personal profile] jarnscye) wrote in [community profile] quimplix2012-05-08 11:33 pm

[shinee] we build and destroy

we build and destroy
onew/jonghyun; pg-13.
one-shot; 1954 words.

“I think Taemin mentioned something about chips,” says Jinki, gaze roaming around the supermarket. It's nearing one in the morning, but they've yet to find anything on their list.

“Doesn't he already have a stash at home?” Jonghyun counts the items they need to buy—seventeen. Kibum had told him it would just be a quick run to the store nearby, that they would spend nothing more than twenty minutes in time and even less in money. Kibum had lied. Jonghyun should have checked the list before he agreed, but had instead put on his shoes without a second thought.

“So we're not getting him chips?” asks Jinki. “Because I kind of wanted some, too.”

Jonghyun shrugs, picking up a basket near him. “He hides them in the second to last drawer by your bed. I'm surprised you haven't noticed yet.”

This isn’t the first thing Jinki’s let pass by him. If he’d just be a little more there instead of lurking in the background, wasting his days without thinking, maybe he would have noticed. Jonghyun finds this irritating.

He pulls his scarf closer to his face after spotting a couple of girls in the corner pointing in their direction. After he makes sure Jinki's dyed hair is covered up, Jonghyun bows his head. This was supposed to be a quick run to the supermarket, not a sign and greet session with fans.

“Maybe we should get the other type of milk, instead,” Jinki says to him. He's holding up a different brand than the type usually stocked in their refrigerator, and Jonghyun doesn't give it a second glance.

“If you want,” he says.

“Yeah, because my mom's been telling me how much healthier this one is.” Jinki places the carton in the basket and Jonghyun's able to feel the immediate weight, shoulder sagging from where he hurt it in practice that morning.

As the number of items in their basket grow, Jinki finds fewer things to comment on. It doesn't help that Jonghyun isn't contributing much to the one sided conversation, but he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't remember when talking with Jinki had to be a conscious effort on his part, and wonders why Jinki doesn't feel the same.

So Jonghyun comes across himself asking, “Hyung, want to hang out afterwards?” because it shouldn't be like this, not even close.

Jinki freezes in the middle of scrounging through packs of wrapped meat. “Sorry, I didn't hear you. What?” he says, though he keeps his attention fixated on the meat. “They're too expensive for such poor quality,” he says and Jonghyun rolls his eyes. It’s just like Jinki to avoid a topic he’s rather not discuss. “There has to be at least a decent one around here somewhere.”

“After we drop this off, I mean,” Jonghyun doesn't repeat himself. He's certain Jinki heard him the first time.

Jinki stands back up without the package he was looking for, twisting at the hems of his sweater. Jonghyun sighs.

“It'd be two by then, Jonghyun,” is Jinki's excuse. “We should be getting as much rest as we can.”

“Which is why we're out at the supermarket at one in the morning,” Jonghyun says. “Yeah, you're right.”

They don't buy Taemin an extra bag of chips, considering he already has enough at home, but they do get him mints. Taemin always has terrible breath, something they don't mention publicly for their images, but it's very noticeable. Just remembering when Taemin woke him up from his nap the night before, with his mouth right by Jonghyun's face, still makes him squirm.

“Think he'll take the hint?” Jonghyun asks, and Jinki laughs.

This is how it is, and Jonghyun can't pull away from it. Their conversations remain forced, though it's not on Jonghyun's part, since it never has been. Jinki comes and asks him about milk, chips, meat, but he doesn't inquire further, only trying to settle the temporary silence with voices. He doesn't care for anything after that, so Jonghyun doesn't know why he even bothers.

The air is bitterly cold once they step outside, no longer comforted by the indoor heating and lighting of the marketplace. This time when Jonghyun pulls his scarf closer, he does so because of his inability to feel his nose, and when he checks to make sure Jinki's hair is covered, it's so that he won't freeze to death.

They're loaded with six bags, Jonghyun carrying four of them. They're the lighter ones, he thinks, he hopes. Jinki doesn't remember about his shoulder.

“You won't drop them, right?” Jinki jokes, though Jonghyun has to bite back his next words.

“You're the one carrying the eggs,” he says instead. The rest of the walk is silent.

Tomorrow they don't have a schedule, their only free day this month. That's probably why they're making this middle in the night run for food, so that tomorrow they can have a nice breakfast for once. To be honest, Jonghyun doesn't think he'll be able to stomach it. Too little food over the course of years doesn’t combine well with a large breakfast out of nowhere. Maybe he'll skip out on it.

Jinki skips out on sleeping. He leaves the house at around two in the morning after all the members have gone to bed. Jonghyun doesn't see him as he leaves the house, only hears his footsteps as they resound through the hallway, but he knows.

He lets him go; maybe rest means something else completely to Jinki than it does to Jonghyun. A lot of other things do.

Jonghyun's thankful it's not Taemin that wakes him up in the morning. That would have been a terrible way to begin his day, even worse had it been Jinki.

But the second he opens his eyes, it’s Jinki standing above him, looking down. “Hey,” he says, and Jonghyun frantically looks away. “We made breakfast.” He closes his eyes again, pretending he hadn’t been awake, refusing to budge. This is not how it was supposed to happen, but Jinki can't be blamed for that.

“Did you have fun last night?” Jonghyun rolls over, taking the blanket with him. Jinki pauses, not trying any further.

“I was resting last night,” he says. “If that's what you mean, then I did have fun.” There's footsteps as Jinki leaves the room, a bit louder than the ones Jonghyun heard last night, but they have the same heaviness and brisk pace.

Jonghyun finds a black shopping bag next to Jinki’s jacket when he finally manages to get out of bed thirty minutes later. He doesn’t mean to look inside, but when his foot accidentally kicks it a couple of feet away, a couple of potato chip bags end up falling out.

“Shit,” Jonghyun curses upon realizing that they’re actually open and that there’s now a mess everywhere. He squirms when the crumbs get stuck to the bottom of his feet as he’s scooping them up with his hands, more so when Minho appears above him with a raised eyebrow.

“I didn’t know you liked crumbs on the floor better than breakfast,” Minho says.

“Go away.” Jonghyun considers throwing the handful in Minho’s face because Minho’s a jerk and he always deserves it, but before he can even lift his arm Jinki walks around the corner.

The standoff is pretty awkward, Jonghyun admits, as it probably looks like he was going through Jinki’s things when he wasn’t and it’s difficult to explain.

“Breakfast, Jonghyun,” Jinki says and grabs the bag from him as he walks by. There were other things inside, this he knows, but didn’t get a chance to find out what.

“Let me guess, you didn’t go out last night, and that bag of chips was someone else’s.”

Jinki sighs and flips the channel when Jonghyun sits down next to him. He stops at a drama he knows Jonghyun can’t stand the sight of, as he complains about it every time he gets. Kibum’s always told him to just not watch it in the first place, but it’s the only thing to watch late at night when Jinki’s out of the house and Jonghyun is the only one awake, a notebook crossed out lyrics in front of him.

“I don’t know why I have to tell you anything,” Jinki says. Jonghyun winces, but knows it’s true.

The girl on screen begins crying after the man she thought she once loved and Jonghyun would have laughed at her had he not sympathized as much. He knows watching the scene makes Jinki as uncomfortable as it does him, and wonders who’ll give in first.

“So were you out drinking, then?” Jonghyun says. Jinki changes the channel.

“Can you stop?

Jonghyun considers this for a second and then decides that no, he can’t.

“Is that how you rest? I could have rested with you too, then, when I asked you if you wanted to hang out.” Jonghyun tries not to get angry because the thing with Jinki is that you need to have patience in order to make everything work. He tries not to get angry so that the friendship they’ve been struggling for as of late isn’t destroyed in a matter of seconds, but he’s always been an idiot who can’t control his emotions well.

“Fuck you,” Jonghyun says and reaches over to switch the television off. Jinki’s an idiot too and if he won’t make an effort to stop being one, then neither will Jonghyun.

Except Jonghyun isn’t sure whether the next move Jinki makes means he’s being an idiot or actually smart for once. He likes to think that Jinki’s brilliant, as the feeling of their lips pressed together makes Jonghyun feel even happier than the time he beat Minho at a video game long ago and was able to see the look of defeat upon his face, or happier than the time he saw sweet potatoes his mom laid out for him that one time he visited home, but it’s more than that.

Jonghyun brings Jinki closer in an act that would have been soothing had it not been painful. His head slams against the wall and he winces, but doesn't let Jinki go.

He feels warmth in his hand, from where it lies curled around Jinki's neck, last two fingers tucked neatly beneath the collar of Jinki’s shirt. The other is preoccupied with holding him close, resting his palm against Jinki’s cheek and turning his face just slightly, so that Jinki is able to see him when they break apart.

Jonghyun licks his lips, sure enough swollen and red from where Jinki had pulled on them, teeth scraping his skin in a way that was anything but sweet. Absentmindedly, he notices Jinki glance down at them before he disentangles Jonghyun’s arms from around him.

“I’m sorry,” Jinki sighs, breaking away. Jonghyun notices he doesn’t make eye contact, but he isn’t really looking to face him either.

He hums, tune surprisingly loud that it startles Jinki into looking up. It’s only for a fraction of a second, but in that moment when their eyes meet, Jonghyun feels himself stop.

“Is this—” he clears his throat. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“I’m sorry,” Jinki says again, and Jonghyun nods his head.

“Well,” Jonghyun says, voice cracking. His throat is dry and he doesn’t trust himself to say anything further. They don’t speak of it again.

i first posted this fic here as a response to a long challenge iirc, and just now decided to come back and finish it. a really nice anon stopped by to give me crit so thank you so much to whoever you are, and thank you so much to [personal profile] kordella as always, who doesn't beat me up when i test her patience with fic that makes no sense ): also because she helps me with fic titles and is overall amazing, okay.